Cheesy Street: Road Trip! (Part 1): Cedar Point and Cleveland

Don't be alarmed, I still have plenty of cheese related adventures. But for the next two weeks I'll be regaling you with stories of my roadtripping adventure through thousands of miles of Americana to get from cheese internship adventure one on the east coast to cheese internship adventure two on the west coast. An adventure sandwich, if you will.

Because of time and money constraints, I can't rationally make zig zags through the country. Therefore, I won't be able to stop everywhere I want. But nothing will keep me from my first stop: CEDAR POINT!!!

I've been wanting to go to Cedar Point for years. Finally, a drive through Ohio and time on my hands would make the dream happen. Because scuzzy hotels in Sandusky were able to charge ridiculous prices for their proximity to Cedar Point (and hell, why shouldn't they, Sandusky doesn't have much else going for it), Tad and I decided to stay midway between Cleveland and Sandusky to save money. We took some time the evening we arrived to check out Cleveland...because I could. It was a Sunday night, so I didn't expect to see a lot of signs of life downtown, but I was sorely mistaken. Puerto Rican Day parade was hoppin! The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was actually really great too, but I'm a sucker for musicology. I've always thought that if cheesemongering doesn't work out, I'd like to be an expert in 90s music nostalgia. The hotel was really close to a park and beach on Lake Erie. In the evening I roamed the beach at dusk, which was shockingly clean and picturesque for what I've heard about Ohio's rust belt. The beach's only refreshment stand was an ice cream booth called the Honey Hut. My evening was complete. In sum, Cleveland doesn't suck like people say it does.

My excitement threatened to keep me up late that night, but I knew I had to get to bed early so I could wake up and get to the park just as it opened and beat the lines. Monday would be less crowded than a weekend, but I didn't want to bank on it. The park opened at 10am. At 9:35, every car I saw on the road leading to the park's causeway was competition, threatening my spot in line for the first roller coaster. You will not beat me to the ticket booth Dodge Caravan! Your eagerly cute children will not play to my sympathies! I calmed down eventually.

As we drove down the causeway, I could see the park's fantastically big coaster frames rising up in Lake Erie's haze. I stared wide-eyed, and like a child watching a fantasy movie, whispered "Woah." I might have drooled a little.

First drop on
Millenium Force

A substantial crowd of people had arrived to the park just as it was opening. We waited for them to open the gates immediately after they played God Bless America at 10am exactly. The crowd didn't seem moved by the patriotism. Everyone was waiting to stampede.

We had a game plan to knock out our top four coaster picks first before the lines got too long. Onward speedwalking to the Millennium Force! Shoving aside children and tripping teenagers. The line for the first coaster was already about an hour long when we made it there. The second coaster, the Maverick, had an hour and a half long line. Getting there early seemed to have only minimal advantage as far as wait times go. For those planning Cedar Point strategy, the crowds on a Monday actually seemed to tire of exhaustion by the end of the day, making many lines much shorter in the afternoon. But the lines for the three most popular rides (Millenium, Maverick, and Dragster) were always long, so you might as well get them knocked out first while you're still fresh and excited.

Maverick

95-degree Maverick drop

The Millennium Force was the coaster you could see from the distance with the tallest initial climb. We slowly crept up the hill to beautiful views of Lake Erie. I enjoyed the majestic sight by rocking back and forth, mumbling, "ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod." Then freefall. Awesome. After that ride, we immediately went for the Maverick, the steepest drop in the entire park. In fact, the first drop is steeper than straight down at 95 degrees, briefly curving back in on itself. The line was by far, the longest in the park. I now understand why. The Maverick, was the. best. roller coaster. ever. exclamation point. My face was so rocked off after that first drop and subsequent twists that someone could have thrown up in my face and I wouldn't have cared.

We quickly went to the Top Thrill Dragster to discover it was shut down temporarily for the day with an indefinite re-opening. So we skipped to the Magnum XL-200, which was the fastest and tallest roller coaster in its day in the 80s. It seemed to be apologetic for no longer holding that title, but I still thought it was fun. On the walk to lunch, I saw the Dragster just started running again. We quickly ran back, knowing that the lines would be short until people caught on to the re-opening.

Dragster madness

The Dragster was the one coaster that really tested my nerves. It was a short 20-second ride. But instead of just seeing a car full of screaming people whiz by, you see all of it. First the car idles, until it shoots off to 120mph, zooms straight up in the air, dangles over an upside down U-shaped curve, and falls straight down. Then, as the car eased back in, you could see the riders startled looks very clearly. Every single person on the ride had hair that had been blasted back and carried one of the following three expressions: laughing maniacally, on the verge of tears, or like they were in some sort of post-coital glory. Some people high-fived. I'd never seen car after car so consistently blown away with any ride. Watching this repeatedly while waiting in line really had my pulse racing and put me in a semi-feigned panic. At least I was assured of its awesomeness. The anticipatory wait before the blast off started building tension. Green light. SCREAM. The initial blast off was definitely the best part, but the whole thing had me addicted. I wanted to ride again, but the line had grown too long. We luckily didn't wait much in line, but it's usually at least an hour. It's totally worth waiting for the short ride at least once.

The Dragster and Maverick were my two favorite rides. The Maverick was the best classic roller coaster ride, while the Dragster was a completely unique crazy crap-your-pants thrill ride experience.

We only rode four coasters before lunch at 2pm, but we were hopeful that we'd finish the rest before the park closed. The rides were rated on a scale of 1 to 5 to indicate their intensity. Our strategy was to ride all the thrill-y-est 5 rides first. Maybe if we felt like putting our little girl panties on, we'd ride the lamer 4 rides before we left.

As the afternoon stretched into late afternoon, the park-goers were showing signs of exhaustion, over-excitement, and heat-induced poor judgment. Sweaty dudes started to show and emit signs of ripeness. Promiscuous jail bait started to take off layers of clothing...and as far as I could tell none of them were Miley Cyrus, so they had no business doing so. I saw one girl escape near disaster when she puked red snow cone after coming off the Raptor. A few moments earlier and she would have either puked in the ride or puked on the line of people waiting below the stairs from which she was exiting. In fact, I started noticing several puddles of brightly colored vomit as the afternoon lingered. We soldiered on.

Wicked Twister

Mantis

We rode all the wooden roller coasters, which I generally don't like because of the bumpiness. But surprisingly, I really liked these. My brains didn't hurt at all. I also really loved the Wicked Twister, which was shaped like a twisted bowl shape, and shot you backward and forward in several twists. I enjoyed the Raptor and Mantis, but they weren't my favorites. Both were the type of ride where you can't really see in front of you, which I think detracts from the thrill. On the Mantis you stand with your legs braced on a platform, while the Raptor is a leg-dangling coaster. By the end of the afternoon the wait times were generally 45 to 30-minutes, so they were both definitely worth the short wait. The only ride that was a bit disappointing was the Corkscrew, which had a couple somewhat thrilling loops and ended prematurely. We walked right up to it, so it's only worth riding at the end of the day when there is a short wait.

By the end of the day, we rode all but two of the rides rated a "5," including some that were not coasters like the free-fall tower ride and giant swing ride. The only 5's we skipped were a log-type ride because we didn't want to get wet and a spinning gravity ride that seemed like a tired carnival ride.

Lebron

One notable moment occurred as we were passing the Pop-a-Shot basketball game where you can win a stuffed animal. We saw a crowd gathering around the game. "Oh look a basketball game. Who's everyone staring at? Lebron?" Sarcasm assumed...oh wait, ummm...yeah...that's actually Lebron James. He was playing the game with a star-struck little boy, surrounded by his posse with a bunch of police standing around to make sure nobody in the Ohio crowd knifed him I assume.

Approximately 13 roller coasters, one celebrity sighting, two sunburned shoulders, and a souvenir mug later, I left happy and dehydrated. I longingly watched as the shadows of the mammoth coasters faded behind the car as we drove off two hours before the park closed at 8pm. Cedar Point, you were everything I hoped you would be. I hope we meet again.

(Click on Thumbnails to enlarge all pictures)