Curd's the Word

Prior to my last cheese class I had made poutine-style (or Wisconsin-style) squeaky cheese curds only once in my life. A little over two years ago, I turned a gallon of perfectly fine milk into a flavorless, rubbery mound of crumbles. I chronicled my horror at its complete inability to melt like a good, well-behaved cheese. Yet, I ate every last piece, chewing each bite several dozen times, as though I were a ruminant rechewing the cud from its first stomach to slowly break down and digest the monstrous snack. Each mouthful was self-inflicted, mandible-degenerating punishment for a job poorly done.

Since then, I hadn't messed with a true cultured and rennet set cheese in the kitchen. At home I was playing T-ball with only vinegar and citric acid to ripen the milk. So it was either extremely ballsy or extremely foolish when I decided to demonstrate making cheese curds to a class full of people seeking my wisdom. Alongside yogurt and kefir, the curds would serve as a primer on either bacteria cultures or my abject failure.

Before class, I would need to make an instructional finished batch. The recipes for cheese curds and for yogurt take several hours to reach a final product. Most of the steps are best described as waiting around for the cultures or temperature to work their magic. I would only be able to instruct the class with a truncated version of all the steps and the science behind each one. The finished product would need to be pulled out of a magic time-lapsed compartment (the fridge) as a food wizard would do on a cooking show.

I was confident about the yogurt, but the cheese curds made my eyeballs sweaty. Despite my fear tears, this latest foray in cheese curds was a success right away. Sometime between 2010 and now, I was given the gift of patience to let each step run its course, allowing the cheese curds to reach the appropriate pH for the perfect texture, meltability, and squeak. Actually I was given the gift of Netflix streaming to keep me distracted for 90 minutes while the cultures properly ripened the milk, but I like to think of it as carefully refined tradecraft.

I'm deducing an explanation (or fabricating a delusion) for my initial failure as follows: I never let the cheese curds acidify long enough to reach the appropriate pH of 5.4ish, leaving the resulting protein matrix too hard and rubbery, squeaking like a tire in my mouth instead of a delightful cheese curd. In addition, I was stirring and heating too quickly out of impatience, which can lead to the graininess especially in the weak coagulum formed by store-bought milk. After cutting the coagulum, it seemed to help to let the cut curds just sit at the bottom of the heated pot for intermittent chunks of time while the temperature did its work in releasing whey, stirring only occasionally.

"Poutine" without the gravy.
Maybe I'll start a local food revolution,
add some salsa verde or chipotle
and call it TexMex Poutine. 

A proper cheesemaker always uses a pH meter to ensure consistency and accuracy in each recipe's flavor profile and texture. Even a home cheesemaker would benefit from having a pH meter to troubleshoot more complex cheeses that require ripening from starter cultures. But I'm unemployed, so I allocated that Benjamin to Netflix, allowing me continuous streaming of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia to pass the time between each step. Right now, I know roughly 3-4 episodes will get me to the appropriate pH before renneting, and another 2.5 episodes after cutting the curd will get me to a pH of 5.4-5.3 where the curds are perfect. Ideally though, I would be able gauge exactly when the curd was reaching each pH point so that I would never again end up with the horrible inaugural batch from which my jaw still suffers.

The cheese curds have been a success the last three times I've made them and an awesome snack alternative to the dismal grocery store finds here. I even marinated a batch in olive oil, garlic and fresh rosemary from my garden. That flavor punch impressed the hell out of people.

The class itself was also a success...I think. It was difficult to demonstrate the steps for yogurt and cheese curds simultaneously without the time to concentrate on one at a time or to fully finish each step. Plus, things got real with the science of lactic acid bacteria, probiotics, and casein polarity. I can only hope each student was able to pick up the bones for troubleshooting and experimenting on their own. And I hope that they either acquire a pH meter or a media streaming subscription. Whatever works for them.